The Ross Man
Ahh, the infamous Rossman…
This legendary figure achieved his renowned status through humor, timing, and his unfaltering loyalty and kindness to all who followed in his shadow. Not to mention, his unparalleled excellence in whatever athletic pursuit he chose to pursue. The Rossman comes from the quiet village of San Dimas, California where he grew up as an unassuming little schmuck, but went on to achieve something close to "Saint-hood" in New Orleans. Although few know him personally or could describe the Rossman’s appearance, his name and reputation precede him in "The Big Easy." It has been said the Rossman reminds "them" (those lucky enough to have experienced him) of a cross between Sasquatch and James Bond.
Many wonder how the Rossman came to New Orleans and achieved so much in such little time. The following commentary may shed some light on the mystery.
A towering specimen of a man, but humble and gentle considering his worldly experience, he has performed such remarkable feats as wrestling bear in Alaska to save his fellow adventurers, he’s plucked wayward worshippers from the torrents of the Ganges during holy season, he’s hurled himself off massive cornices in the middle of a blizzard, and last but certainly not least, he pioneered the "Outside Pipeline" prior to the existence of leashes and jet skis. In fact, he is known to have soloed the outside pipeline that memorable day so he could feel the "vibe" the ocean was offering. However, if anything surfing has defined the Rossman, he will not and can not be labeled by it.
After becoming very wealthy because of his incredible mathematical acumen, traveling the great continents of the world, and having conquered many athletic pursuits on those continents, he decided to donate his fortune to the needy peoples he met during his travels. The Rossman, desiring to become more anonymous while seeking altruistic endeavors, decided to help an entrepreneurial friend, Bruce Rampick (famous in his own right), add some charisma and personality to Lucy’s Retired Surfers Bar and Restaurant. Having an abundance of both charisma and personality, the Rossman decided to lend some to the "Big Easy." He’s not only helped shape Lucy’s into what it is today (an eating and drinking destination for the worldly), but also managed to let his persona be felt in his absence.
During this new century, his artistry in life and style has only increased. After having conquered New Orleans, he’s been sighted in the county of San Diego, California were it has been said he will hold a wanting audience in rapt attention explaining the intricacies of English prose in the a.m., and can be found either bullfighting in Tijuana or sliding a few cool ones in the twilight of a San Miguel evening. It would be difficult to recognize the Rossman today from the Rossman of yesteryear. After having tired of many attempts at copying and profiting from his persona i.e. the "Dos Equis" man (what a fake… the Rossman was the original "most interesting man in the world"), he has chosen to lead a quiet and reclusive life in a remote corner of California where few know of the man behind the genius.
Written by one lucky to have known him.
